Sumbitches

In a perfect world everyone would either be watching How I met your Mother, or they'd be dead. It's literally been my favorite show for at least the last five years. The last season started this week and I am extremely sad-cited. If you watched it then you know exactly what I did this week. If you didn't, I'm sorry that your tv exploded or your mom died, because seriously what other reason could you have. The quote goes down like this.  "Lily: I don't care if they are poison, there's chocolate, peanut butter and caramel in these sumbitches. The Mother: I call them sumbitches!" From that moment on I couldn't concentrate on anything else but making those delicious sounding sumbitches.

Damn you sumbitches are fine!

My first step was some intense googling to see if the recipe already existed somewhere. At the time it didn't, so I don't was anyone saying to me how these aren't the sumbitches that herpderpnews.com posted. I figured it out first, so fuck you herpderpnews and all of your herpderp affiliates. I started with a recipe for peanut butter chocolate chip cookies. For the most part I followed all the rules except that I halfed the chips and replaced them with caramel cubes cut into smaller cubes. Oh and I also mixed the flour in wrong and almost forgot to add sugar again which seems to be a theme with me. But once everything was mixed up together it looked really tasty.

You can barely see the fuck ups

I tried using the little melon baller looking mother fucker to get the perfect sumbitches but I wasn't sure if enough caramel was getting into each one so I molded most of them by hand. That means they were probably a little bigger than a normal cookie but not quite a monster. Now I'm feeling really judgmental about cookie sizes. Who am I to say that these plus sized cookies aren't normal. Big is beautiful! Somehow or another though I ended up with 25 cookies. That's right, 25.

One lonely sumbitch

I felt so bad leaving him there but there was no chance in hell I was going to wait around for one sumbitch. I baked all the other for 10 or so minutes and took that chance to eat a turkey sammich and it was good. When I took them out of the oven I was for some reason surprised to find that they looked a little...

Oozy is the word I would use

Caramel is sticky and obviously melts. This should not have been a shock to me. I am le dumb. Some of them turned out really nice looking though. I am really pleased with my sumbitches and I do intend to make them again. Even though trying to remove them from the baking sheet was harder than expected. I was accused of adding glue which I promptly did not deny. Oozy and gluey are apparantly great things when it comes to sumbitches because I made them at 4 and they were all gone by 8. I even got a quote! "Those sumbitches are fucking fuck!" says my friend Nick. To which I can only respond "Is that a good thing?" His answer: Oh yeah.

That's all for today my little whiskers but unfortunatly I have some bad news. Because next week is hell week I wont be doing a vaginal fantasy blog this month. I am really sad about it so I might end up just posting some photos. But I will give you two favorite things to make up for it. The first one has to be How I met your mother on cbs.com for all the exploded tv havers and mom funeral attenders. The second one is for anyone interesed in more food based humor. Don't Mess with a Chef is a great new blog from a friend of mine and it features actual food. So what are you waiting for!